Emo alert!

I know I haven't written in forever. It is just that I decided I don't want to write for deadlines. I wanted to write when I had something to say. And also because I have been venting out on Facebook. ;)
Well, tonight I wanted to write.

It's almost 10 months since I came to Australia. During the first semester, I felt so homesick that I'd just curl up in to a ball and stay in bed all day. For those of you who have been independent for some time, this might sound weird, coming from a 20 year old, but I grew up at home and was with my family till I was 20. I never left my home island for more than 3 months at a time. I was always surrounded by familiar faces. Mom always cooked for me and Dad was always there to get me whatever I wanted.
So when I came here, being completely independent was really hard. The fact that I was 4000 miles from home, without the slightest physical contact with a Maldivian, let alone a friend or a familiar face, really got to me. I missed the food, I missed the familiarity, I missed the sense of security, I missed everything about home.
It was so hard, not having any friends here. Of course there were my classmates, but I couldn't really call them for help if I got in trouble, not like back  home. I had to start from scratch because the friends I had since childhood were not here any more. The people who knew me since I was at GNAEC were no longer here.
I never went anywhere alone when I was home. I would always go with a friend- not that I went out much anyway.
Here, there were so many places to see, so many places to explore. I wanted to see and try everything, but there was nobody who'd actually go with me to places. So I had to settle for going alone. It was such a huge disappointment for me because this was all so new to me.
But eventually, I got used to going to places alone. Now it doesn't bother me so much as it used to. Sure, it would be double the fun with friends, but it's not so bad alone either.
Now I don't feel so isolated any more. Now I have good friends who I can count on. They might be few, but they do make me feel better. They do make life easier. Also, now that I have met other Maldivians in Sydney, after I had given up hope of ever meeting any of them, I might add, things are finally looking up.
Now, I don't breakdown and cry just because I miss home. Now I can actually enjoy being here.
But every now and then, I'd miss my Mom and Dad so much. I'd miss my sisters so much. And I'd miss my besties back home so much.
I guess the homesickness never really goes away. I guess there'll always be a part of me that would still miss Mom every time I fell sick, miss Dad every time I wanted something, miss my friends back home every time I had to go somewhere alone, miss my younger sisters every time I remember how cute they are.
Well, you might be wondering, "Why the sudden outburst?".
Because I miss my younger sister so much, the one that passed away. Last week was 4 years to the day she died. I don't usually feel sad about her passing away, because Mom told me the she is in a better place, and I believe it. But this time it was specially hard because she reminded me of my other younger sisters, the ones who are still alive and I miss them so very much. And the thought that I wouldn't be there to see them grow up haunts me every day. The thought that I would be a part of their lives for only two months a year for years to come eats at me. And the thought that I'm not there to help my parents tortures me.
Although I already have tickets to go home as soon as the exams are over, I feel like November 26th can't come fast enough.
This is to all my friends and family members back home; I miss u so very much, and I know I don't say this enough, but I love u very much!